Six Weeks Together

Six weeks. I feel we are over the initial transition hump. We feel like a family and there is a sense of normalcy to our days. There is calmness and joy in our home now, which did not exist the first few weeks of Roland being home. I know it sounds bad to say, but I have always tried to honestly describe our experiences on this blog. I don't want to present a rosy, sugar- coated picture of our lives. So, if I am being honest, I didn't really enjoy the first three weeks of Roland being home. I cared about Roland's well- being of course, but inside I didn't feel the warm, fuzzy, loving feelings I was expecting. With being sick, tired, and stressed about Matt's upcoming knee surgery, all I could really muster was taking care of what needed to get done throughout the day, and then "fake the love" part. Now that the worst of Matt's recovery is behind us and Roland is behaving and sleeping better, I can finally take a deep breath, relax a little, and just enjoy Roland. The loving feelings are here now, they just took a little longer to catch up. 

Of course, our new sense of normalcy is only temporary. Once Matt's recovery is done in a few months, we will be moving and Matt will be going back to work. We will all have to adjust to a new home, to a new town, and to Matt not being home all day with us. We have been spoiled with having two stay- at- home parents since Roland's arrival. After all we have been through just to become a family and the life- jarring knee injury Matt received two years ago and the subsequent five surgeries, these upcoming changes are small beans. I am just excited to see what the future holds for us. 

The doctor visits (for both Matt and Roland) are finally beginning to slow down. Poor Roland's first month in America and our family was filled with poking, prodding, and boredom in waiting rooms. He has endured three blood draws, four immunization shots, an echocardiogram, and to his mommy collecting his poop and pee. Thankfully he tested negative for all the big, bad diseases. He has a heart murmur, but it is benign and nothing to worry about. He also has an iron deficiency, which after much testing, seems just to be caused by his diet in Congo. He is on iron supplements now, but hopefully that will just be temporary. The biggest issue is with Roland's poop. He has had diarrhea since coming home and it turns out his little body is the host to three different parasites. For the past 10 days, we have crushed up medicine and "hid" it in yogurt or applesauce and force- fed it to Roland three times a day. It was an awful ordeal. The poor kid will probably never eat yogurt again. The worst part is that his poop is still softer and wetter than it should be, so I don't know if the medicine even worked. I would hate to have to start the process over (especially the poop collecting part- that was disgusting!). 

In all areas Roland is improving, except for one: potty training. He was completely potty trained when he first came home. After about three weeks, he decided to stop using the toilet to go pee. He now just goes pee in his pull- ups all day long. We know that potty training regression is normal in newly adopted children. It is just annoying because he was doing so well at the beginning. But, I'll take dirty diapers over the tantrums and sleepless nights that we used to have. 

Nothing is perfect, and some days are still rough, but we are definitely blessed to call a happy, healthy, affectionate little boy our son. It is still sinking in that this is my life now, after so many years of waiting for a child. I just can't wait for spring to come and Matt's knee to heal so we can really start to have fun with Roland. 

Roland and the Dogs

Roland has been home for a month and probably the biggest transformation has been his interaction with our dogs. From reading about other people's experiences, we knew that it probably would not go well. We were right. Roland was home with us for only one full day before we brought the dogs home from the kennel. Even though the three of us were getting along well, there probably was not a huge amount of trust yet. I sat on the couch with Roland while Matt brought in the dogs one at a time. Roland pretty much acted like we were planning to feed him to a pack of wolves. I do understand that our dogs are pretty intimidating to a 30- pound child who is not used to having animals inside the home. (Copper, our redbone coonhound, weighs 85 pounds and Yukon, our great pyrenees, is 120 pounds.) Roland just screamed his head off until we put the dogs in another room and then the screaming would start again whenever one of the dogs made eye contact with him. For the first couple of days we had to keep the dogs separate from Roland most of the time. He eventually became somewhat comfortable with looking at them from the other side of a baby gate.

Roland became comfortable around Yukon much quicker than with Copper. Yukon is larger, but he is much more quiet and gentle. Copper, a typical hound dog, likes to bark very loudly whenever he is excited. The soundtrack of our first week home together was barking mixed with equally loud screaming.

At first, Roland would only enjoy Yukon when he had the height advantage. Whenever he was on the floor with Yukon, he would start up with his screaming again. However, Yukon was always so gentle with him and his white fluffy fur is pretty irresistible, so Roland adjusted to him pretty quickly. After about a week, they became best buds and Roland spends a good part of his day rolling around on top of Yukon.

Roland's relationship with Copper has been trickier. All the barking in his face early on must have set a poor mood for their relationship. For most of the past month, Roland would try to set up Copper to get into trouble.Roland would tug on Copper too hard, Copper would give out a loud yelp, and then Roland would come running to us showing us his finger (pretending he had been bit) and pointing at Copper. He played out this charade many times, but to his disappointment, he was the one who got in trouble, not the dog. He would also give Copper a toy block, which Copper would proceed to chew up, and then Roland would come to us yelling, pointing at Copper. For those instances, they both got in trouble. Seriously, for the past month I felt like I was raising three little boys, two of which would bicker and tell on each other throughout the day.

The past several days there haven't been any big instances with Roland and Copper so I am hoping that phase is coming to a close. The house is definitely quieter and more relaxed as "the brothers" are becoming adjusted to each other.

Two Weeks Home

It has been two weeks since Roland came into our family, but it is just now really sinking in that our son, who we have waited for over three and a half years, is finally home. It has always been my plan to continue this blog after he came home, but I simply have not had time to write anything until now. We have basically been in survival mode the past couple weeks, just trying to get through the days with what feels like a 30- pound newborn. Now that Christmas is over and our new family of three has had some time to adjust to each other, life is starting to feel a little more like normal, instead of just  trying to survive the day (and night).



Roland was escorted home from the DRC by his foster dad and we met them at the airport in Spokane, Washington. Meeting our son in Spokane was not the exotic trip we had envisioned, but this was the easiest, quickest, and cheapest option for us at the time. Our meeting was way more special than I had ever hoped. I assumed we would be meeting a tired, cranky, and possibly scared 3- year- old boy. However, when Roland came through the gate and saw us, his face lit up and he squealed in delight as he walked over to hug us. We have been Skyping with Roland for the past year and it was obvious that he recognized us and that he was expecting to see us. It was such a special moment for us.



Roland slept the whole three hour drive back home. It made for an easy afternoon, but a horrible night. With all the napping and time changes, he only slept a couple hours at a time and then was wide awake for another couple hours. After that first night of hardly any sleep, both Matt and I came down with colds, making our first week with Roland a bit more miserable than it otherwise could have been. Being sick, exhausted and adjusting to a new 3- year- old who speaks no English was (and still is) tough.



Roland woke up frequently the first week and a half he was home. Every time he woke up we had to go lay down next to him until he fell asleep because he can not fall asleep on his own. We think we have figured out the mystery of his poor sleeping, though (besides just the time zone change). I was keeping his bedroom around 73 degrees, assuming it was plenty warm since I like sleeping at 65 degrees. Well, we have since discovered Roland sleeps best at 80 degrees and he was probably waking up so much just because he was cold. Now with his new tropical climate bedroom he has only been waking up once per night to go to the bathroom.



One positive surprise about Roland was that he is fully potty trained. Unfortunately, though, he enjoys his bathroom time a bit too much. He will ask to go when he is just bored, wants more attention, or when one of us is in the shower. Once he is in the bathroom, it is a challenge to get him to leave. He loves sitting on his little toilet seat, singing and making jokes that nobody understands but him. It can be pretty cute, but most of the time it really tries my patience when I don't know if he is done and is just goofing off. We are trying to teach him potty time is "no- nonsense time" because we are getting really tired of spending so much of our day in the bathroom.



Besides the sleep issues, there also have been a large helping of crying and tantrums every day. Since he is our first child, we really don't know what behavior is normal for a 3- year- old and what might be adoption- related. One of the toughest things has been the fact that he is not a big fan of toys. It seems his favorite thing to do is get into everything he is not supposed to. So there have been many, many "time- ins" every day. He is learning what the house rules are and tests his limits every day.



Roland really has two sides to him. One side is the mischievous, crying, tantrum- having toddler. The other side is the sweetest, happiest little boy you have ever met. It is clear that he was given such loving care while he was in Congo. He really loves receiving and giving physical affection. He just soaks up hugs, kisses, cuddling, being lotioned, and everything else. Even from the very first day, he has been very affectionate toward us.

















There is so much to say about Roland, but I should probably stop for the day. It is my plan to keep you all updated on his transition into our family. It has been trying, but we are so happy he is finally home with us and we can't wait to watch him learn and grow and develop into the man he will one day be. We are just loving him the best we can and taking things one day at a time.

Meeting Roland

Today we got to meet our son for the first time...via Skype.  The experience was just about as awkward as I had imagined it would be. It was difficult to keep the attention of a very energetic two year old when it  was very clear he would rather be off playing instead of watching a couple of faces on a screen. However, after a while the whole thing seemed to click for him and he realized the faces on the screen were actually interacting with him. Roland would blow us a kiss and then we would blow him kisses and he would blow us another kiss. This went on for several minutes and it was very sweet because it was one of the few times we felt he was actually acknowledging us. Later on his caretaker was telling him that we are his mama and papa and Roland even said "mama" and "papa" a couple times. I don't think he knew what he was talking about, but it was heartwarming nonetheless.

For two years we have only seen Roland through still pictures so it was wonderful to experience him as a real- life child, full of energy and personality. He looks very healthy and happy. Several times while we were Skyping, Roland would run off. It was a relief to see that he doesn't have any trouble getting around. His caretaker told us how active he is and jokingly told us we need to be strong to care for him (he said that as he was picking Roland up before he ran off again). Well, that is exactly what we want: a lively toddler to keep us busy. Even though the whole thing was a little awkward, the minute our session ended I started to miss that precious little boy who so enjoyed blowing us kisses.

Last week we mailed out Roland's Christmas presents. It is so sad that he won't be with us for the holidays again this year, but I am glad he is living with a loving, capable foster family who wants to give all 12 of their "stuck" kids as nice of a family Christmas as possible.

Happy Birthday Roland Everett!

Today our son turns two years old. (Just for perspective, he was just 5 months old when we became his legal parents). Another birthday missed and the start of another holiday season with an incomplete family. A couple of nights ago I had a dream about Roland. It was a pleasant one, not like the usual dreams where there are endless things keeping us apart. We were playing and snuggling on the bed and Roland was smiling and we were gazing into each other's eyes and everything was right. Just as all good dreams end too soon, this one was sucked away from me by waking and I was forced to face the world and all it's bitter realities feeling hollow. It is so painful to yearn to hold your child and not be able to. I am still praying for the day that the depressingly quiet, empty void in our home and hearts will be filled with a full- of- life toddler named Roland and that he will finally be able to experience all the love his mom and dad have for him. Happy Birthday, sweet little Roland. Your parents love you and miss you every day.

An Update with No Real Updates

Sadly, there is not much adoption news to report. Officials from the U.S. and Congo are meeting to discuss the future of Congo adoptions. It is a good sign that there is still an ongoing dialogue. However, DGM still claims the exit permit suspension will last at least until September. That means we are halfway through the year- long suspension. What are the chances that the suspension will actually be lifted in September? I really don't know. DGM isn't even specifically holding themselves to that so we don't have any promises to cling to ourselves. Also, when/ if they do lift the suspension, they still do not have any plan how to efficiently process all the adoption cases that have been accumulating all these many months. I really don't know how all this is going to play out.

Based on the information we have, Roland seems to be faring well enough. Most months we receive pictures and an unreadable medical report. We can make out his weight and he is only a couple pounds smaller than a child should be at his age so we don't think that is too bad. In the pictures he looks pretty healthy. He has full cheeks, his arms and legs aren't skinny, he has a cute little round belly and a full head of healthy hair, at least in the front.  Unfortunately we don't have any information on things like talking, walking or eating (they may be briefly addressed in the medical reports, but we can't decipher them). In the last pictures we received, when he was 15 months old, he was unsteadily standing with assistance. So, he is a little delayed, but that is to be expected. He hasn't had the luxury of parents doting on him every day of his life. We do get notified when a doctor prescribes medicine for something, like diarrhea or a rash. As far as we know, he has not come down with malaria or anything else serious. That is something to be grateful for, especially since adopted children are not allowed to leave Congo, even for medical emergencies.

In a couple weeks we will reach the two- year mark since we first applied to our adoption agency. Hopefully Roland will be home with us well before the three- year mark approaches.

A Year Ago...

A year ago, on Matt's 29th birthday, we accepted a referral for a tiny 3- month old baby boy. Over the past year we have watched Roland grow up in pictures. We have seen him sleepy or sad, alert and curious, and happy and smiling, in pictures. The first several months we only received pictures of him laying in his crib. Then, for a few months we saw him sitting upright, either on the floor or in a chair. In the last pictures we received of him, he was standing, with a supporting hand from one of the nannies. In one picture we have even glimpsed new baby teeth emerging.

The three of us have missed out on so much together. We have missed an entire year of gazing into each other's eyes, and reading, snuggling, playing, singing, teaching, comforting, laughing, and building lifelong bonds of love and trust. Young children yearn to be adored by their parents, but I doubt if Roland realizes that such a thing as parents even exists. From what I hear, the nannies at the transition house are capable and kind, but they have 80 children in their care so I know they do not spend all day doting on our little Roland.

Last Fall I was really hoping we would be celebrating Matt's 30th birthday in Congo, meeting our son for the first time. However, it looks like we will have to settle for dinner and a movie again this year.

Happy Birthday, Roland!

Dear Roland,
Today is your 1st birthday. It breaks our hearts to not be able to spend this day with you, celebrating your first year of life and showering you with love (and maybe a few gifts). We are sorry for the losses and instability you have experienced in your short life, but from the few pictures of you we have seen, you seem to have such a strong spirit. You have the ability to grow and thrive and blossom in less- than- ideal situations. You seem to possess and radiate such a pure joy. We hope you do not lose these attributes as you grow up in a land of excessive abundance, where wealth, convenience, and opportunity are taken for granted. Where you come from will always be a part of who you are. We hope you are able to use it to create something positive in your life.

We are excited to learn all about you. What are your favorite games to play? What are your favorite foods? What makes you laugh? What comforts you? We can't wait to hear your voice, read you a book, take you on a walk in the woods, and show the happiness and comfort of petting a gentle dog. More than anything, we want to just hold you and demonstrate to you that we are your family. You are our child, who we have waited so long for. We will love you for the rest of our lives.

Roland, you are so loved by so many people. You have four wonderful grandparents and another grandma in heaven who would have so wanted to meet you. You have three uncles, an aunt, and three cousins. You have great- uncles and aunts and the list goes on. You also have a sweet, loving church who are a whole other family to you. All of these people have been thinking of you, caring for you and praying for you.

Happy Birthday, Roland! We love you and we are doing all we can to bring you home with us. You are in our thoughts and prayers every day.

love,
Mom and Dad

Hanging out in Limbo

We received another picture of Roland today (two months in a row- WooHoo!- our agency is on a roll). He is looking remarkably well. It took me a few minutes to even recognize him. He is actually chubby now (or at least compared to how he's looked before) and he is smiling. I love that smile. He is sitting upright on the floor by himself so we have proof he can at least do that much. In all the other pictures he has been lying down or being held by somebody. It is hard to look at a picture of this adorable, happy baby who is supposedly mine, and not be able to hold him.

We also finally received a little update on the actual adoption. The process has changed slightly again (surprise, surprise). This could either be good news or not- so- good news for us. The US Embassy  now wants to fly the pertinent people in the investigations to Kinshasa for their interviews instead of travelling out to the various cities themselves. They are currently trying to locate the person who dropped off Roland at the orphanage. If they can find him they will fly him out to the Embassy for the interview and hopefully that will fulfill their investigation requirements. However, if they cannot find this person or he is unwilling to go, then we have to wait until whenever the Embassy decides to travel again to Roland's birth city, which will probably not be until early 2014. If we have to go down that route, we will not be bringing him home before the Spring {cringe}. Obviously we are fervently praying that this person is located quickly, he is willing to travel to Kinshasa for the interview, and our investigation will get wrapped up smoothly so we can bring Roland home as soon as possible. Already there is no chance of Roland being home before his 1st birthday (in Nov.) and barely any chance in time for Christmas. We are still holding out hope that he may be with us for Matt's 30th birthday in February. I have visions of celebrating Matt's big birthday in a hotel room in Congo with our first child. We'll see.

The Nursery Unveiling

Over the summer we have been working little by little on putting Roland's nursery together. It is mostly done now; we have the furniture set up and the pictures put on the walls. We are just missing curtains, storage bins and some sort of chair to read and snuggle on before bedtime. We are renting the house we live in so there is only so much we could do as far as decorating. We couldn't do any painting and we decided not to try wall decals because the walls are textured and we did not know how well they would stick. I love what we have, but it still does look a little plain. I suppose it is better for a nursery to look quiet and calm than loud and chaotic. Also, there's plenty of room to add stuff later. Here is what we have so far:

Update on Baby Roland

After three long months of not hearing anything, we finally received an update on our little Roland. It was really hard going that long without hearing anything at all about our baby. Without regular updates, the whole thing starts to seem less real and it feels like nothing is really going on and the idea of a baby starts to fade. You start to wonder what you are doing with your life and why you are putting yourself through all this. But, once you receive a new picture all of that motivation comes soaring back. It reminds you that there is an actual real life child out there that is waiting just for you. And that makes everything more than worth it.

We are not sharing pictures of Roland online yet, so you will just have to trust me when I say he is very cute and adorable and looking at him makes you just want to pick him up and squeeze him and kiss his little cheeks that are slowly becoming chubby (or maybe that is just me). We think it's funny that they have him bundled up in a blanket even though it's probably 80- something degrees outside. The poor boy is going to be chilly when he moves in with us.

We also received an actual medical report on him. Unfortunately, the doctor's handwriting is really awful and it is written in French so most of it is incomprehensible. It is really a shame because we receive so little information on our baby and a doctor took the time to write things about him, but we can't understand it. I'm not even sure a person who can read French could make out all of it. One thing we did understand on the report is his weight. He is still smaller than he should be, but he is less small for his age than he was back in April. We are happy he is making progress. He is gaining weight and based on his pictures he looks pretty happy and healthy so we feel comfortable saying the nannies are taking good care of him.

There are more and more delays in the adoption process, and it's getting pretty ridiculous, so please pray that Roland and all the other waiting children in Congo can come home to their families as quickly as possible.

The Long- Awaited Name Announcement

As we are waiting on the approval of our immigration paperwork, I figure it is as good a time as any to finally announce the name we have chosen for our son. {We need a more lighthearted post after the last one anyway.} I have been thinking about baby names most of my married life. I don't even want to think how many hours I've spent scouring baby name sites, which mostly ended up being a waste of time. Matt and I agree on many things, but surprisingly, baby names are not one of those things. It has taken us a very long time to decide on a name that we are both happy with. Another factor that probably did not help the process any was that the image or idea of who our child is going to be kept changing throughout the years: the original plan was to have a biological child, then we thought our first child would be a Russian toddler, and now our son is a Congolese baby.

We are happy to announce that our son's name will be Roland Everett.
(As a note: this will not be his legal name until he is re-adopted in Idaho, but we have decided to start using it).

Roland is a name that has long been used in literature for brave, warrior type characters. "The Song of Roland", the oldest surviving major work in French literature, is an epic poem  about a bold warrior named Roland, who died in 778.

"Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came" is a famous poem written by Robert Browning in 1855. (The word childe was a medieval term for a young knight.) Based on this poem, Stephen King wrote his "The Dark Tower" series of books, in which Roland is the last surviving gunslinger who bravely embarks on a quest to reach the Dark Tower, in the hope of saving the world from unraveling into chaos.

Roland is an old Germanic name that means "famous throughout the land". Everett is an old English name that means "brave as a wild boar'. In living up to his name, we hope that he will walk through his life bravely doing what is just and right. While he doesn't necessarily have to be famous, we hope he will be known for his good heart, portraying God's love to others around him. I know, we have high hopes for him. :)

Roland Everett will share a connection to both of our families. He will carry on the Taylor family name and will also share the same first two initials with my dad, uncle and grandpa.  

Proverbs 22:1
A good name is more desirable than great riches;
 to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.