The Wait

We are now in the longest waiting period of our whole adoption. In every other stage there was always something going on. We did the home study and the dossier paperwork, we had no wait time for a referral and our court process breezed by, our I600 paperwork is all completed and approved, and throughout all of that we have applied for grants, done fundraising and written thank you letters. Now, for the first time, there is nothing to work on and absolutely no progress is being made. We are just waiting on the Embassy to decide to go to Roland's birth city to complete another batch of investigations.

This period of time is a struggle for me. I handled the last 15 months fine because we were busy working toward something. Now everything is stagnant and we haven't even received any updates on Roland since May. I don't even know how many times I have heard "It's all in God's perfect timing." I've been struggling with this in my head a lot lately. It sounds nice, but is God specifically causing us to wait these extra several months for some mysterious reason? I do not claim to understand all the workings and motives of God, but it seems unlikely to me that God will choose to keep an orphan away from his loving, waiting family until some magical, predetermined moment in time. Since the Bible commands us to care for orphans, I tend to believe that if God chooses to interfere at all, He will be helping the adoption progress, not halt it at the end. I think the bumps in the adoption process are just a part of life. It is the result of people using their free will to make various choices. Sure, God has the power to slow down our adoption if He wants, but it seems more likely it is the inefficiency of governments and individual people that is causing us to be separated from our son.

I also hear frequently that "God is teaching me patience so that I can be a better mother." I do not mean to sound smug, but this is offensive on several different levels. First of all, I have been waiting for a child for seven years; whatever lessons I am meant to learn, I think I would have learned them already. Waiting several extra months at this point is not going to turn me into SuperMom. That brings me to my next point- Why do people think I am naturally so unfit to be a mother that I need years of refining while other women have children with no effort at all? I do believe that it is God's plan for us to adopt, and yes, I have grown over the past years, gradually becoming a better person and Christian. But, please do not tell me that this delay in our adoption process is a little last- minute lesson in patience. I already have a graduate degree in it.

I know people mean well and they just don't know what to say so they try to make delays sound optimistic and meaningful. This does not make us feel better- it makes us feel insulted and sad (even if what you are saying actually is true). Please, just genuinely sympathize with us. Say you are sorry to hear things aren't moving forward and how hard it must be on us. Say you are praying for Roland, for our adoption, and for us. These are the things that are an encouragement and a comfort to us while we wait.